About Me
I Know the Feeling
The picture to the far left is from when I was about twenty years old. I was about 170lbs, had just finished my first stint at college, was looking to "tone up", and so had just finished a round of P90X. I had managed to lose about 15lbs or so, to get to that picture; and although, about the only (possibly) impressive aspect in that picture was my abs, I didn't care. In my head, I looked great and that was all that mattered. While I continued to exercise and care for my body, my attitude fell to the wayside, so to speak. I became very arrogant and made no secret about "all the hard work I did", and that, "people could look like me if they just did what I did. It's not that hard". I'd reached one of the highest points of my life; and no one could stop me or tell me anything.
Then, I fell.
About a year after the photo on the left was taken, I entered a time in my life that eventually took me from one of my highest points to one of my lowest points. Over the next three years after the photo on the left was taken, I would slowly forget myself. Certain things became more and more important; and things like taking care of myself didn't matter anymore.
There's a verse in a song by Casting Crowns that says:
"It's a slow fade
When you give yourself
It's a slow fade
When black and white turn to gray"
That's exactly what happened to me. It wasn't all at once; rather a little at a time. However, it hit me all at once when I looked in the mirror on my bathroom door as I was leaving after washing my hands. I started to open the door, caught sight of myself, and just stood there for a couple of minutes, processing what I was looking at.
Who was this? And where was I?
Staring into the mirror, I began to think on all the subtle changes that had taken place over the last three years.
I'd stopped going to the gym as much. But that was OK. I was still going some and eating pretty good. Then, I stopped going altogether. But it was no biggie. I could exercise later or at home if I wanted. Except, I never did. But hey, I was still eating clean. But after a while, I stopped. After all, food is one of the great pleasures in life and we should enjoy it as much as we want, right? Soon, I noticed my clothes were starting to shrink. I HAD been a size 33 waist...until that number became 36, then 38, then 44. And what had been a closet of Medium size shirts turned into a closet of Larges, then X-Larges, then 2X-Larges. After a little while, I started noticing that my breathing was getting heavier. Not long after that, I began to notice a persistent cough (that ended up sticking with me for quite some time). In the end though, none of that really mattered. I was perfectly happy where I was and with how other things were going in my life at the time.
Until it all ended.
Three years had now passed, and I was finally confronted face-to-face with the consequences of the choices I had willingly made. Turning behind me, I saw the scale and, taking a deep breath, stepped on it for the first time in three years.
260lbs
There's no way in the world this is right. I stepped on it again...260lbs. One more time, just to be sure. There it was staring up at me: 260lbs. I had gained 90lbs over the last three years. I remembered how I used to look and how I used to feel. My breathing wasn't labored and I wasnt constantly winded. I wasn't constantly coughing and struggling to fit into my clothes. I have to get back to that. But this time, its really going to suck. Even so, something has to change.
And something did.
Over the next 12-13ish months, I started trying to get my body and my mental, emotional, and spiritual life back on track. During this time, I learned a lot. I learned what it felt like to not be able to do two or three jumping jacks without gasping for breath. I learned that, for a while, there were some yoga poses I couldn't do because my massive belly would literally cover my face to the extent that I couldn't breath. I learned what it felt like when, what had once been a simple jog, now felt like a struggle for life, itself. I learned what it felt like getting up for a workout at 2am so I could be finished and at work by 4am.
I also learned to keep pushing. I started trying to treat my body like the temple God wants us all to. I learned that gradual progress, no matter how small, leads to lasting change. I learned that showing up for myself, even if I had a crappy workout was still better than not showing up at all.
By the end of the 12-13ish months, I achieved the picture 2nd from the far right; losing 112lbs. About 5 years later, I achieved the picture on the far right; competing in the World Natural Bodybuilding Federation Open Men's Physique and placing 5th in my class.
I know the feeling of frustration, struggle and feeling like you're getting nowhere. I also know what it takes to get you where you want to go on your Fitness Journey.
As we come into this New Year, if you're struggling with your Fitness Goals, don't know where to start, or maybe you just need a revamp on an existing routine, I'd like to work with you. We will come up with a game plan that works for you and I'll be in your corner motivating you, pushing you, helping you, and listening to you the whole time.
Stay Healthy, Friends!
~Philippians 4:13~